If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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