Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
