I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
