oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
