Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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