Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
