Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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