I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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