I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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