I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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