I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
