He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
