So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
