One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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