You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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