is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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