sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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