Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
