there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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