wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
