I hope mine doesn't look like that
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
