We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
