He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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