You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
