just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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