I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
