last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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