did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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