i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
