bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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