I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
