Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
