wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
