dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
