I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Randomize
