Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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