Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
