Welp...herpes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
