also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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