i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
