i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
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We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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