now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Randomize
