he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
