So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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