and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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