so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
