dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
operation harelip BJ is a go
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
