He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
