3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
