At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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