i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
