She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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