then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she told me i tasted like america
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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