Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
