my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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