Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
