god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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