it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
