absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
