you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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