...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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