There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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