did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
