Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
