His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
