Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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