Pappa wants mamma naked
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Send help, water and tortillas.
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