the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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