All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
