last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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