Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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