That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
