brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
