we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She announced her abortion via fbk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
