i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
