The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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