i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
