someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
